Confessions, Part 1 "FEAR"



So, it’s been a crazy 1 ¾ years, as I write this. Understatement, I know. So many things have changed, both obvious and not obvious.

Not knowing who is reading this, I know that to be true for you as well, regardless of not actually knowing your situation. New people have come into our lives, new opportunities.

Loved ones have passed on, and seasons have changed. I am starting this blog with a lot of cliché, it seems…


hmmf.

The point is---a lot of stuff has happened, which means we have had the opportunity for a lot of GROWTH.

There have been unknowns that were both exciting and scary… and guess what?

That continues---because that is a part of life. So here I am, about to confess some things about where I have been and where I am going, and confessing the vulnerability and fear that I feel.

“Fear?!? But Robyn, the Bible says be anxious for nothing!”

(Philippians 4:6)


Well, here’s the deal—I used to let myself be condemned for feeling fear or anxiety—


“Jesus would be sad that you are anxious, girl. Quit it.”


(My inner voice can lack graciousness sometimes…towards myself anyway. Everybody ELSE gets a ginormous sackful of Grace, 99.9999% of the time.) And then I heard a message once that resonated with my soul: It's normal to feel fear.

We just don’t want to LIVE in it for a long time.

Let’s not make it a welcome houseguest.


We can notice it, acknowledge it, and then Confess the Truth about our lives, and Who is watching over us, with a big, beautiful plan.

(Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 23, Proverbs 3:5-6, John 14:1, John 14:27)


So, that’s a confession of one kind. Here comes the other-- I am not 100% sure about what I am doing, most of the time.


And right now, at any given moment, I may feel some fear or anxiety about some unknowns in my professional life that are requiring vulnerability and a leap of faith.


I am going to share those with you…and ask for your prayers. In 2020, I was supposed to lead my 3rd yoga teacher training in Missouri, as a part of the Yahweh Yoga teaching team. It was scheduled to begin in May 2020.


I only had a few people signed up, and I was, quite frankly, getting really burned out on “all of the things” that it takes to be a full-time, self-employed-ish yoga teacher who is leads teacher trainings.


“All of the things” can sap the joy of one’s yoga practice right out. Just being real with you.


If you are in a position where you can take a break, step back, let someone else take the reins for awhile without losing income, without losing “followers” or a place to teach; if you are part of a team that can support you while you relax and release for a bit, that can be more healthy.

If you don’t have that, it can be toxic.

Maybe not for everyone...

Some people just handle that kind of pressure better than others. I wish that were me.

(another confession)


I am someone who, by my very constitution and the way God made me intrinsically, should NOT be constantly on a digital device. It literally makes me dis-ease-d (see what I did there?) in various ways, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

(Any of you who know about Ayurveda or scientific studies regarding screen time and energy waves, etc, have an inkling…)


So, I have to set boundaries…

but that gets harder and harder to do…

in a world that is increasingly digital. And let’s not get into the fact that it’s also a world where the posts that get the most attention required my own face or body.

… …

ummm...

...


Ok, let’s DO go there for just a sec—

it’s relevant. The deal is, a big part of why I do ANYTHING that I do, whether through teaching yoga, teaching nutrition/wellness, singing (especially at church), or teaching ESL or voice or a foreign language or whatever, is because it helps someone else.


Yes, typically I earn a wage for a lot of those, but if you take a look back at the list, you will realize they aren’t big moneymakers.


These are all services, and apparently, though *I* would tell you all about my selfish tendencies, I have a servant’s heart.


It just so happens that I enjoy these things for myself as WELL as enjoying teaching them.

Which means…it’s not all about me.


(again, I am shocked by this, too. Y’all, I have a lot of selfish thoughts. I do. But apparently they don’t run the show)


I just want to show up and help people and earn a decent wage.


I don’t want to have to constantly point a finger at myself and do metaphorical (and real) handstands to say “look at me! Look at me!” But that’s the way the world works.


Or at least, that is the way it has seemingly worked since I have had my own business as of 2009.

If I am wrong, someone please clue me in and help me.


(really! In the past I have spent a ton of time and money studying social media marketing, etc, and I finally stopped, because it just kept changing…and yet it didn’t change either).


So.


Back to the NOW. To the confession. To the vulnerability. (Click for the big reveal and the vulnerable)




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